Sex is the greatest physical gift God has given to mankind. In the context of marriage, it is the expression of one flesh union that joins two persons into one being, which reflects the purity and value of how Christ and the church are to be likewise joined in thought and action. The gift of sex is sacred and highly valued when shared between a man and woman joined in a lifelong commitment and covenant. Sex is the private sharing of one another’s vulnerable tender care and connects more than bodies, but hearts and souls. The full manifestation of personhood is shared with one other. The marriage commitment (not the piece of paper) gives sex the real freedom and acceptance we all really want, to be naked and not ashamed.
This is part of the reason why sex outside of marriage (either before marriage or during marriage) is often disappointing. It cheapens sex to be some physical animal act and tends to reduce people to objects, making a transaction, a short-lived thrill. People aren’t a commodity to be traded or sold, and that’s why one or both feel used. Most people can honestly tell you that sexual relations within a good marriage is way better than sex outside of marriage.
A word from xxxchurch.com >> Men… Here are the facts: (1) We all love to look at nude women. (2) We have all looked at nude women. (3) We all know where we can find pictures of nude women. The question is what are you going to do about the facts. … This is every man’s battle.
The Porn Factor: In the Internet age, pornography is almost everywhere you look. But what is it doing to real-life relationships? (in Time Magazine 1/19/04) — even mainstream society is recognizing the harm of prevalent porn, moral and theological rationale aside
Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Kevin Lemen, and the Dick Staub Interview with author: Kevin Leman Talks About Sex, Baby
In the Biblical Sense: A guide to the booming Christian sex-advice industry by Mark Oppenheimer
Can Men and Women Be Just Friends? article by Les & Leslie Parrott (eHarmony library; December 2002)
This Is the Will of God for You That You Abstain from Sexual Immorality (John Piper, October 2002)
Sex and the Single Christian: What about the unmarried in their postcollege years? (Christianity Today, July 10, 2000)
“Sex and the Single Evangelical: The church lady vs. the ‘evangelical whore’ “ by Laura Winner – controversial article on beliefnet, with a sidebar discussion “Should Christians talk more openly about sex?” [cached]
“No One Wants to Talk About It: Why are evangelical singles sleeping around?” by Julia Duin – response to above article, hosted on BreakPoint [cached]
“The Christian Cosmo girl: Christian writer creates a stir by Gene Edward Veith in World Magazine [cached]
article titled “Lust” by Dr. Dan Allender
Leadership Journal’s Feature article: Hooked: a true story of online porn addiction
- Passion Sexpert – an invitation to explore sensuality and keep the passion at home
- Marriages Restored – redemption and restoration after infidelity in marriage
- The Generous Husband – not as much on sexuality but more on the joy of marriage
- x3blog – ramblings from Mike and Craig, founders of xxxchurch.com
theMarriageBed.com – Sex and intimacy from a Christian perspective
A tip from The Generous Husband:
If something you did resulted in your wife getting hit with a stick, you would probably stop doing it, right? If eating your favourite snack got her hit with a stick, each and every time you ate it, you would sacrifice that snack out of your love for her, and your desire to keep her from being hurt, right?
Using porn, even just “peeking once in a while” is hurting your wife. Even if she is unaware of your porn use, it’s hurting her, and your sex life, and your marriage. I know this because I hear it over and over and over from women who are devastated by finding out that their husband is viewing porn. Many of them say they should have known, because of how he has changed towards them.
Even if you are not convinced porn use is wrong, or think it’s “not that big a deal” please know that each time you do it, you might as well be hitting your wife with a stick. In fact, the stick would do far less damage than the porn use does. If you love that women, you will stop now, and never do it again.
Every Man�s Battle Workshop — a three-day intensive program for men who are struggling with sexual integrity. If a man is involved with pornography, affairs, or other sexual temptations, this workshop will give him the tools to achieve victory in this battle (presented by New Life Ministries) — plus, their message board online community provides encouragment
Sexuality & Gender section in Christianity Today’s magazines collection
Marriage Partnership magazine
Renewable Passion: the secret to hot monogamy by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
Is Yours a Spiritual Marriage?
Do you and your spouse have a cosmic connection or a down-to-earth relationship?
Setting Captives Free – help for freedom from porn addition
Stone Gate Resources ~ Dr. Harry W. Schaumburg HELP for personal restoration
Family Counseling Ministries (Dr. Don Dunlap) – many great articles online, incl.
- a Husband’s Checklist (possible offenses against a wife)
- a Wife’s Checklist (possible offenses against a husband)
- Forget Perfect Parenting
- When It’s Embarrassing to Ask for Counseling
Dr. David A. Gershaw: “In our culture, a topic that people are afraid to talk about is (you guessed it) sex. Some people have the mistaken idea that — if you don’t discuss sex —
you won’t think about it. The biggest fear is that, if people — especially young people — think about sex, they will engage in sex. This leads some to the erroneous conclusion that — if sex is not discussed — sexual activity will
not occur.” Dr. Gershaw shares many articles from his secular course on human sexuality, including Why Marriages Last
“This Is the Will of God for You That You Abstain from Sexual Immorality” (John Piper, October 2002)
- Purposeful Singleness: Inspiration, encouragement, and support for Christian singles who desire to live purposeful lives for Jesus Christ
- The Single Truth column at crosswalk.com; also see the book
- Single Connection
- Single Life Resources
- Setting Captives Free: freedom from addiction
- Pure Intimacy: resource to deal with temptation
- evangelical rage over virginal lips and chastity
- (Don’t) Kiss Me by Bethany Patchin
- There’s More Than One Kind of Kiss by Sam Torode
- (Don’t) Kiss Me Gets Engaged by Bethany Patchin and Sam Torode
- Kiss Me Now by Bethany Torode
- The New Faces of Chastity: For Lauren Winner and Anna Broadway, married sex is the only sex ~ from the Village Voice (11/07/05)
- Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity ~ Lauren Winner
- The Book of Romance : What Solomon Says About Love, Sex, and Intimacy ~ Tommy Nelson
- The Black Christian Singles Guide to Dating and Sexuality ~ Chris Jackson
- I Kissed Dating Goodbye ~ Joshua Harris
- Boy Meets Girl : Say Hello to Courtship ~ Joshua & Shannon Harris
- I Gave Dating a Chance : A Biblical Perspective to Balance the Extremes ~ Jeramy Clark
- The Ten Commandments of Dating ~ Ben Young
- Don’t Bite the Apple ‘Til You Check for Worms/ a Survival Guide to Love, Sex, and Singleness ~ Ken Abraham
- And the Bride Wore White : The Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity ~ Dannah Gresh
- In a brilliant interview titled “For Women Only”, by Andy Stanley with Shaunti Feldhahn (author of For Women Only : What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men), Shaunti shares 7 revelations about men: 1. men need respect, 2. men are insecure, 3. men are providers, 4. men want more sex, 5. men are visual, 6. men are unromantic clods, 7. men care about appearance
- The Marriage Builder : A Blueprint for Couples and Counselors : Now With Discussion Guide for Couples ~ Larry Crabb
- Intimate Allies ~ Dan Allender
- The Mystery of Marriage ~ Mike Mason
- Sacred Marriage : Celebrating Marriage As a Spiritual Discipline ~ Gary Thomas
- Authentic Human Sexuality : An Integrated Christian Approach ~ Judith K. Balswick, Jack O. Balswick
- Getting Your Sex Life Off to a Great Start : A Guide for Engaged and Newlywed Couples ~ Clifford L. Penner, Joyce J. Penner
- Pure Sex ~ Ed Young
- The Act of Marriage : The Beauty of Sexual Love ~ Beverely Lahaye
- The Christ-Centered Marriage Study Guide; For Individuals in Couples or Small Groups ~ Neil T. Anderson, Charles Mylander
- Communication : Key to Your Marriage ~ H. Norman Wright
- Great Sexpectations : Finding Lasting Intimacy in Your Marriage ~ Robert Barnes, Rosemary J. Barnes
- The Second Half of Marriage : Facing the Eight Challenges of Every Long-Term Marriage ~ David Arp, Claudia Arp
- Dating Your Mate ~ Rick Bundschuh, Dave Gilbert
- Fit to Be Tied; Making Marrriage Last a Lifetime ~ Bill Hybels, Lynne Hybels
- The Five Love Languages : How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate ~ Gary Chapman
Excellent books that explains how we each perceive (and give) love in different ways, as if we had our own language. The thing about love is that it isn’t received until it’s perceived. So we have to learn to speak our mate’s love language to effectively
communicate that we love them.
- Five Steps to Romantic Love : A Workbook for Readers of Love Busters and His Needs, Her Needs ~ Willard F. Harley, Jr.
- His Needs, Her Needs ~ Willard F. Harley Jr.
classic book describing the basic needs of men and women
- Love Busters : Overcoming Habits That Destroy Romantic Love ~ Willard F. Harley, Jr.
- From Stalemate to Soulmate : A Guide to Mature, Committed, Loving Relationships by Michael, Phd Obsatz (Augsburg Pub)
- 25 Surprising Marriages : Faith-Building Stories from the Lives of Famous Christians ~ William J. Petersen