Sex is the greatest physical gift God has given to mankind. In the context of marriage, it is the expression of one flesh union that joins two persons into one being, which reflects the purity and value of how Christ and the church are to be likewise joined in thought and action. The gift of sex is sacred and highly valued when shared between a man and woman joined in a lifelong commitment and covenant. Sex is the private sharing of one another’s vulnerable tender care and connects more than bodies, but hearts and souls. The full manifestation of personhood is shared with one other. The marriage commitment (not the piece of paper) gives sex the real freedom and acceptance we all really want, to be naked and not ashamed.

This is part of the reason why sex outside of marriage (either before marriage or during marriage) is often disappointing. It cheapens sex to be some physical animal act and tends to reduce people to objects, making a transaction, a short-lived thrill. People aren’t a commodity to be traded or sold, and that’s why one or both feel used. Most people can honestly tell you that sexual relations within a good marriage is way better than sex outside of marriage.

A word from >> Men… Here are the facts: (1) We all love to look at nude women. (2) We have all looked at nude women. (3) We all know where we can find pictures of nude women. The question is what are you going to do about the facts. … This is every man’s battle.

The Porn Factor: In the Internet age, pornography is almost everywhere you look. But what is it doing to real-life relationships? (in Time Magazine 1/19/04) — even mainstream society is recognizing the harm of prevalent porn, moral and theological rationale aside

God’s Guide to Sex: lead article from Good News magazine, January/February 2006 issue — “God cares deeply about your sex life.”

What is the Real Meaning of Sex?, Veritas Forum talk by Frederica Mathewes-Green at University of Pennsylvania, 2005 [listen online]

The Power of Porn, Veritas Forum talk by Gene McConnell at Ohio State University, 2002 [listen online]

Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Kevin Lemen, and the Dick Staub Interview with author: Kevin Leman Talks About Sex, Baby

In the Biblical Sense: A guide to the booming Christian sex-advice industry by Mark Oppenheimer

Sex and the Single Life” by Philip Turner – in-depth article on sexual ethics and how sexuality links to holiness [cached]

Can Men and Women Be Just Friends? article by Les & Leslie Parrott (eHarmony library; December 2002)

This Is the Will of God for You That You Abstain from Sexual Immorality (John Piper, October 2002)

Sex and the Single Christian: What about the unmarried in their postcollege years? (Christianity Today, July 10, 2000)

Sex and the Single Evangelical: The church lady vs. the ‘evangelical whore’ “ by Laura Winner – controversial article on beliefnet, with a sidebar discussion “Should Christians talk more openly about sex?” [cached]

No One Wants to Talk About It: Why are evangelical singles sleeping around?” by Julia Duin – response to above article, hosted on BreakPoint [cached]

The Christian Cosmo girl: Christian writer creates a stir by Gene Edward Veith in World Magazine [cached]

Read sexuality insights from Intimate Allies by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman

article titled “Lust” by Dr. Dan Allender

God’s Radical Views About Sex: Eight Skills For Sexual Integrity [archived from – 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8]

Leadership Journal’s Feature article: Hooked: a true story of online porn addiction


websites – Sex and intimacy from a Christian perspective

A tip from The Generous Husband:

If something you did resulted in your wife getting hit with a stick, you would probably stop doing it, right? If eating your favourite snack got her hit with a stick, each and every time you ate it, you would sacrifice that snack out of your love for her, and your desire to keep her from being hurt, right?

Using porn, even just “peeking once in a while” is hurting your wife. Even if she is unaware of your porn use, it’s hurting her, and your sex life, and your marriage. I know this because I hear it over and over and over from women who are devastated by finding out that their husband is viewing porn. Many of them say they should have known, because of how he has changed towards them.

Even if you are not convinced porn use is wrong, or think it’s “not that big a deal” please know that each time you do it, you might as well be hitting your wife with a stick. In fact, the stick would do far less damage than the porn use does. If you love that women, you will stop now, and never do it again.

Setting Captives Free has a FREE online course: The Way of Purity, a 60-day interactive course that will teach you how to find freedom from sexual impurity.

Every Man�s Battle Workshop — a three-day intensive program for men who are struggling with sexual integrity. If a man is involved with pornography, affairs, or other sexual temptations, this workshop will give him the tools to achieve victory in this battle (presented by New Life Ministries) — plus, their message board online community provides encouragment Shelley Lubben former porn actress, shares her own true story and links to many helpful resources

Sexuality & Gender section in Christianity Today’s magazines collection

Marriage Partnership magazine

Renewable Passion: the secret to hot monogamy by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Six signs of a top-of-the-line marriage

Is Yours a Spiritual Marriage?
Do you and your spouse have a cosmic connection or a down-to-earth relationship?

Spiritual Dating: Eight ideas for meaningful dates that are more than just dinner and a movie

Setting Captives Free – help for freedom from porn addition

Stone Gate Resources ~ Dr. Harry W. Schaumburg HELP for personal restoration

Pure Life Ministries

Family Counseling Ministries (Dr. Don Dunlap) – many great articles online, incl. – a one-stop resource to spiritual growth and a stronger marriage (Jim & Sheri Mueller) [their links to other marriage

thought life

the following are transcripts of online discussions interspersed with my own thoughts

>”Why look to other women when you can have sex with your wife? I’m single, and wonder why you wouldn’t just stick fast to your wife.

Low Sex Drive vs High Sex Drive conflict

Dr. David A. Gershaw: “In our culture, a topic that people are afraid to talk about is (you guessed it) sex. Some people have the mistaken idea that — if you don’t discuss sex —
you won’t think about it. The biggest fear is that, if people — especially young people — think about sex, they will engage in sex. This leads some to the erroneous conclusion that — if sex is not discussed — sexual activity will
not occur.” Dr. Gershaw shares many articles from his secular course on human sexuality, including Why Marriages Last

This Is the Will of God for You That You Abstain from Sexual Immorality” (John Piper, October 2002)

sexual purity

marriage builders

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