excerpt from crosswalk.com forum
  Forums :Men's Issues : 
Low Sex Drive vs High Sex Drive conflict 
Sam--  -  Jan 13, 2000 12:26 pm
Many times opposites are attracted to each other and get married. Opposite sex Drive cause conflict in marriage. When one partner is starving and the other is satisfied, this causes much temptation to the starving partner to find satisfaction some other way. If this leads to an affair, then a divorce is ok'ed by many churches. But God hates divorce and loves understanding, forgiveness and mercy. God wants us to serve the other and work hard to meet the others needs. 

High sex drive man craves a lot of sexual activity and a high sex drive women may crave a lot of affection and one on one talking Both will crave a lot of touching and physical contact. Read the book, "His Needs and Her Needs" to understand each others needs and what causes affair. 

Sometimes the high sex drive person is treated like a bad sinful ungodly person , while the low sex drive person is the goody two shoes type person and is the wonderful Godly person. When God is the one who gave different sex drives to different people. King David had a high sex drive and was not perfect but was a man after God own heart. 

Are you the perfectly matched sex partners? (If not , then) How have you help improve the sex drive different conflict in your marriage? Any practical ideas and tips? What is you personal experience? 

I put this in 3 forums to see the different responses.( http://forums.crosswalk.com (both men & women) and in www.delphi.com/libchrist )

Sam-- - 02:16pm Jan 13, 2000 (#1 of 5)


Thank you very much for responding. My heart goes out to you in a big way. 

You say, "I have had numerous years of counseling", your husband needs the counseling to learn how to meet your needs and have fun doing it. You both would enjoy life a lot more. 

I know how you feel. I'm the opposite of your husband. I love the be affectionate and talk to women. For more then 22 years every time my wife sits next to me I try to have my hand around her hugging her. I enjoy it. I wish I could marry 10 women and spend all my time just pleasing them. That is fun to me to see happy women, especially when I make them happy. 

Email me and I can give you tips on how to turn on your husband and wake him up to the fun he has been missing out on. Life is too short to miss out on all the fun.  

jay-- - 02:48pm Jan 13, 2000 (#2 of 5)


You have brought up a conflict that has also plagued my wife and I in the past and sometimes now. We have been married for 7 1/2 years and have argued more over this issue than just about any other issue in our marriage. In our relationship, I (male) am the one with the higher sex drive. I must say though that within the past year to year and a half, our relationship in this area has greatly improved for the both of us. Our weapon has been:

  1. Communication: honest and open no matter how tough it was. We found that much of the conflict in our relationship was that we didnt understand each others needs and thinking in this area. I might add though that great care is a must in this area. I have learned from experience that alot of communication is how I/we present things.
  2. Reading: we read from the Bible on the role of sex within marriage along with other christian books on intimacy in marriage. Along with our misunderstanding of each other in this area, we really didnt understand that sex is a gift from the Lord for married couples to express their love for one another and that it has other purposes than just for pro-creation.
  3. Prayer: we prayed together not only about this area but also about our relationship in general.
Not that this has solved our trouble but granted we dont struggle with this area as much as what we used to. But now our communication has improved so that we can talk about areas of concern before they become big issues.


vwb-- - 07:17am Jan 14, 2000 (#3 of 5)

 I, too have this same problem in my marriage. I have a sex drive and my wife does not have one at all. This has caused some serious repercussions in my life. I need to feel that I am accepted and appreciated. I know my wife loves me and I we have a good relationship, except for intimacy. She does want to be cuddled, kissed or anything, at least not much. I tried to hold her the other day and she just stood there with her arms by her side as if to say "are you done?" That is my interpretation not her words. But it did not make me feel very good. I am not real secure in this area of my life anyway andthis is really undermining my self confidence and my role. There is a lot more to this stroy but I dont want to share with the world here. 

Blest.1 - 06:46pm Jan 15, 2000 (#4 of 5)

 Sex drive is stimulated by testosterone... the male hormone in both men and women. 

If you don't have enough (discovered through a blood test), your family doctor can give you shots to boost your level and make you "normal" again. Many doctors don't want to give the shots to men, because high testosterone causes prostate cancer, for which there's little treatment. 

Sex drive can also be boosted with Viagra pill in men. 

Intimacy is another factor. Men who are impotent or have low testosterone may feel defeated in their attempts at sex, so they may "seem" disinterested with you, leaving you to think that they're having an affair. Try to be sympathetic with him. Go to the doctor together and ask the Dr. for suggestions toward a more satisfying sexual experience for the both of you, YOU WON'T BE SORRY. 

clyd-- - 05:36pm Jan 25, 2000 (#5 of 5)

 Sam--, Try reading with your wife, taking turns, The Song of Solomon. 

Blest.1, Viagra does not increase sexual drive or desire - Viaga does allow for improved performance by relaxing blood vessels and allows the blood to flow into the penis when there is an arousal, either physically touching, or visual. If there is no arrousal there is no erection.