How do we care for Asian American elders? This is a personal question for me and my wife, as my in-laws are into their 80s and we’ve had to struggle through more issues and challenges beyond our imagination. And we’re finding that our peers and many others face similar challenges elderly seniors who are Asian Americans. Yet, we’re all under-resourced and there’s research to back that up.
I’m very grateful to have connected with Isabel Tom, both online and in-person, after reading her book, “The Value of Wrinkles: A Young Perspective on How Loving the Old Will Change Your Life.” Her own lived experience of caring for her grandparents as a 2nd generation Chinese American, and working professionally in the senior care industry, has been expertly put together in valuable resources at her website valueofwrinkles.com—Prepare to Care online course, Grandkid Investigator Kit, a podcast, and other resources that go for free.
What is most helpful is both her perspectives for valuing the enriching human relationships we can have with dear family members and not get too bogged down on the mundane challenges of caregiving, logistics, paperwork, and all that. Because having a stronger relationship will open the doors for more honest conversations, understanding, grace, and strength to handle the rest of things. And, if your family needs help with navigating the difficult conversations and the complicated senior care system, Isabel Tom can help with that too with personal coaching.
Granted, every situation is different and there doesn’t seem to be many resources that specifically speak to the nuances of the Asian American cultural and family dynamics, though there’s ample research about why senior care is important and some logistical and legal things around. And the thing about family members, parents and grandparents, there are so many relational and emotional dimensions to aging that’s touchy and hard to discuss. #iykyk (if you know you know)
Watch or listen to this Erasing Shame podcast with Isabel Tom