passion vs. longing

passion vs. longing.. my thought recently hone in on this comparison and contrast, as I’m sorting through my own thoughts and desires… it’s mostly been recently that i’ve entertained the question of what I want.. for the most part of my life, it’s been a matter of being a responsible person, not so much dutiful or responsible, but doing things that were my responsibility, and for many parts of it, playing safe with decisions and commitments and such.. where does one find the courage and boldness to do things, if not from within

b/c of an innate personality of drivenness, competition, or dominant ego.. some semblence of courage can perhaps be found in faith in a higher power, or God.. but my ongoing conclusion at this moment is that this thing called “courage” is found in PASSION, generating energy and energizing the person because it is something one is gifted to do, something that makes a contribution to the greater good, something that is enjoyable, something that one would do whether paid or not, something that one thinks about, and is upon one’s heart.. it shows up in conversations, it comes up in the context of relationships, and it’s the section of the bookstore where you gravitate towards.. not just as a filler to pass the time, like banal entertainment mostly is.. and where the synergy happens is when one’s passion converges with one’s gifts, abilities, and profession, so that one can be paid for what one does the best, in his skills and desires..

now where longing differs, is that longing is a deep-seated desire to receive something for oneself, to gain something that one wants, not to do something, but to receive something, as if one deserves it.. where that puts me, well, my longing is be accepted for who i am, to feel the sense of belonging, to be in conversation and dialogue with people who will listen, and embrace my story, my thoughts, my ideas, my feelings.. i don’t know know when/if that part of me, where i live, will be touched in this way that my longing would be fulfilled.. while longing will be unmet, passion is for a bigger part being met for me, as i’ve gone through 2 job transitions in the past 2 months, and now am doing 2 areas of my passion, networking, ministry, and technology.. it’s unconventional, to work 2 part-time jobs, but it’s very me, to not fit in the box.. to be multitasking.. and to be energized in this way.. the beauty of this is God’s gracious hand, for it was nothing I could have arranged or setup.. God orchestrated it all..

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