no to resolutions

This is a new year, and I don’t have any resolutions.. from what I read and hear, those things don’t work for most people anyways.. setting goals be it on New Year’s Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, or some other day.. having recently read a book about goal setting, how a goal is attained is firstly based on how much that goal is “owned” by the person working towards it.. the goal has to “mine”, to the degree that if the goal were taken away from me, something in me would do practically anything and everything to keep the goal, and move towards it (within reason).. and then make a plan, get the resources, mark some milestones, keep up the motivation, and do it.. that’s how that go.. overachievers have lots of goals and high goals, and by achieving them, and are celebrated in our society and world, but not everyone can be that. most people aren’t (when I use the word “most”, I might estimate it at 75%-85%)..

In the past few days, I took some moments of reflection over the past year, with all the roller coaster of things that happen, one thing that’s beginning to settle for me is this theme of ACCEPTANCE.. in particular, with my personal struggles, my obvious weaknesses (which I share openly in this journal as you read on, or have been reading), and accept that I’m not an overachiever, and I very much need other people around me to make life work.. in other words, my life is not something that I can manage or make work, it is very much a gift of grace from God, and things happen in my life and around my life that beyond me.. many things I don’t understand and don’t know, and at times that makes me anxious; occasionally I have barely any answers to life, and all I can do is cling on by blind faith (mentioned this to a friend on IM, and she said that it’s okay, as long as it’s not solo faith.. and believe you me, I don’t fly solo).. and that’s the incredible thing about how God works, behind the scenes (or is it above?) orchestrating all things for good.. this world is the best of all possible worlds, and we can be a part of what He’s doing.. that’s what a faith journey with Jesus Christ is all about..

re: my “open book” policy — it’s been very good to receive kind words from you readers, that my raw honesty here is refreshing and good.. often in my context and living out of life, I feel crazy for sharing so openly, b/c I find most people (like 99%) don’t share like this, and yeah they have their reasons and rationales and so on.. but here’s my angle on it– why not? we’ve only got one life, why all this hiding and dodging? who are we really fooling with wearing masks and that jazz? (okay, a little ventin’ cuz it’s gettin’ late.. 🙂 )

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