nervous like Barney Fife

Appreciate the emails and phone calls from many during my past week’s stress-inducing incident. Good to know who my real virtual friends are 🙂 I am now sleeping better, and life is beginning to feel normal, even though the incident is not yet resolved. My alleged legal counsel would probably advise against commenting further publicly in a written public forum like the Internet.

One thing I’ve learned about myself and the condition of my heart is how it clings onto my mistakes. Like any human being, I do make mistakes occasionally. And when I am clearly in the wrong, or even if I think I made a mistake, I feel the weighty guilt or it for days on end, losing sleep with accompanying raw nerves that derails me from functioning at all. While I can regurgitate sound theology, confess my faith and belief in Christ, pray repeatedly, and preach the Gospel to my heart, I often feel more like a nervous Barney Fife than whatever people might perceive of me. With raw nerves like mine, I don’t have what it takes to launch a new startup or church plant by myself, or provide pastoral comfort and counsel amidst tragedies.

Blogging should be light this week, as I’m preparing to preach this coming Sunday at Washington International Church.