introspective inspiration

I’m a little late on the American Idol fad, and don’t think I’ll ever get on that bandwagon, tho’ I’m definitely on The Apprentice bandwagon – how can you not laugh when The Donald says “you’re fired” with the New Yorker inflection and a flick of the wrist.. so I’ve been feeling the humdrums and doldrums of life, in the ebb and flow where I’m not getting the innovative excitement of ideas and possibilities as I wish I could have more often of, and I surf onto to be mesmerized by the aspiration of a fellow engineer, who had the guts, courage, and audacity, to audition when he didn’t particularly have a viable voice or act.. when I first saw the clip,

and now several times more, I’m not sure whether to laugh or to cry.. where were his friend’s to give him a reality check, and shield him from the embarrassment and humiliation.. and what of the racist undertones.. yet there’s a part of me strangely intrigued, that he could withstand the laughters of ridicule or mockery, and hold on to his dreams (and it seems genuine and apparent that he really does dream of being a singer; tho’ it’s not my dream), and here I sit wrestling with my frustrations and restlessness and inertia, feelings and thoughts that hover around my head like the dark clouds over Linus (was it that character Linus in Charlie Brown? or was it just Charlie Brown himself?).. wanting to do something more engaging, more exciting, more stimulating, more creative and innovative.. a little part of my self-discovery that I’m putting here as self-disclosure, I thrive and need a constant pace of change and stimulation.. routines and details, money and power, just don’t do anything for me.

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