interim at home base
2nd of 2 nights at home.. away last weekend, and will be away this weekend to Raleigh for TYF.. enjoyed beautiful weather (not a drop of rain!) in the Pacific Northwest between Seattle and Vancouver, getting to set my foot down in both cities and stayed a couple of nights at Semiahmoo, met many great people, and did a vigorous afternoon hike.. I?ve been thinking that many of my blog entries have been about external things, as in my observations about things happen around me or around the country or world [which has drawn a number of blog readers in search of the latest news tidbits or bookmarking this as the blog fad has grown], whereas my initial intent for this journal was to be more about my personal reflections about my internal life, personal thoughts and feelings about me and my relationships..
so let me take a moment to check what?s happening inside:: while amidst great networking opportunities, I was feeling out of sync b/c I felt tired and was probably on East Coast time while out West, and wasn?t able to engage conversationally as much as I wanted to or wish I coulda.. then while retiring in my room, felt bad about it, as if negative thought attacks were coming [I?ve got this uncanny ability to feel bad about feeling bad about myself, finely honed over many, many years of practice].. and it took some extra prayer and remembered a conversation from earlier in the day, where an older gentleman shared of his struggles in earlier years with bad thoughts, and how he meditated on Bible verses telling him who he really was, that he was a child of God, that he was loved, that he was valuable.. and this rememberance helped me to push the negative thoughts aside, to hit the brakes on spiraling down, to calm my nerves, and to relax and rest.. and to realize that it is more factual that I?m simply feeling tired and my brain is not working objectively. With such prayerful renewal and a very comfortable bed (much firmer than the previous night?s lumpy bed), I got a good night of rest, and God?s peace did indeed guard my heart that night.