insomnia and blogging dangerously

Blogging unedited thoughts while being awoken in the middle of the night is not the safest thing to do, bordering on hyper lucidity and Freudian slips. I’ve been up since 1:48am (local time) this morning, after getting to bed just before 10:00pm. I do get uninterrupted use of the Internet in the wee hours, and don’t feel pressured that someone else might want to use the only PC here with connectivity.

So I’ve been surfing on the Web, after my first all-day strategic planning consultation with a church’s leadership team. I think it was helpful, but now I’m wondering if I didn’t push them hard enough, to go after a BHAG – big hairy audacious goal. The conversations easily went all over the place, with 3 theoretical visionaries + 1 concrete pragmatic in the mix. I had mentioned that they’d be running on adrenaline this weekend and little sleep, and never expected that I’d (also) be sleep deprived. I’m looking forward to the buzz and hallway conversations (my way of doing conferences these days) at NLC.

During the consultation, I find out that I was sitting in a room with a guy who’s had a kidney transplant. And then just now, seeing a picture of Jeff’s post-surgery scar and reading a brief description of his heart surgery. So it’s got me thinking, again, about my own mortality. And in a sober moment, I recognize how I’m living on borrowed time, having been on the brink of self destruction. Knowing that I’ll be turning 40 next summer, is also triggering some heavier meaning of my life kind of thoughts. I’d prefer not to use the word “purpose”, not that there’s anything wrong with Rick Warren’s whole deal. I’ve read the book, and thought it masterful at how it can be presented as 40 purpose-driven bullet points.

At my first Nationals baseball game a few weeks ago, I commented to Joseph that the last 2 or 3 sermons I’d heard from him, he was talking about calling. Joseph snaps back with his quick wit: that wasn’t the topic of his talk. So maybe it’s God trying to say something to me, even through Joseph? That calling from God thing is still seemingly elusive for me; God seems to show me short-term stuff, and takes me on a wild unexpected adventure at every turn, so I’ve still got a checkered resume. I’m told it’s typical for people of my generation to have a new job every 2 or 3 years.

I’m thrilled that jenlemen returned my call, and to hear of her new home a few miles closer to me. And it’s a bigger place, bigger than her old place, bigger than my place. Can’t wait to see it. Rejoicing with those who rejoice!

You may also like...

No Responses

  1. Dan says:

    djchuang,

    Wow, I felt like I was reading something I had written! I’ll be turning 40 next summer too, the knowledge of which has generated the same kinds of thoughts in my little head the past 2 months. It was nice to read the thoughts from someone else’s pen. Thanks.

    dan
    http://www.eucatastrophe.com/blog

  2. theBloke says:

    I know what you guys are talking about… When I was 30-ish, I had an aim to be a millionaire by the time I was 35. When the first million was a little too elusive to get to, I decided to give up the chase and concentrate on the second million instead…