I bruise easily

The physicalbruise on the right arm is a metaphor for my emotional being too, in this case. I got this shiner walking into a coat hook in the bathroom stall. I bruise easily, physically and emotionally.

While my talents seem to be more in the technical arena and in ideas, I also do have a lot of feelings. I’ve even been described as a warm and fuzzy type. Not a lot of strong feelings, where it turns into convictions or stubbornness, per se, but I have for years been oversensitive to comments and reactions, or perceive reactions. Even positive comments intended to encourage is heard with skepticism – oh, they must be saying that to make me feel good, but they must have noticed how nervous I was or be secretly questioning what I said or did, or didn’t say or do. I don’t doubt their motives, but I do doubt myself. That second-guessing of myself and others has been destructive.

As part of my personal growth and maturing, I’ve slowly learned to let go of my oversensitive feelings, and to factor in some soberness in processing those feelings of exclusion, performance anxiety, and fearful hesitation. I still feel. But I don’t have to hit rewind on the tapes that used to haunt me. I still bruise easily physically.

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  1. theBloke says:

    I don’t know about my own proneness to physical bruising, but I too have this tendency to emotional bruising. It used to be very bad when I was younger, and it didn’t help that I was living in Australia then, because the Aussies love “to take the mickey out of you” (decipher here – scroll down), especially if they like you.

    A few things help me to regain some perspective in the matter. I remind myself that it is not about me. (Seriously). I remind myself that God’s kingdom is larger than me and I focus on the community rather than on me. It takes discipline and some getting used to thinking outside the [body].