how to have deeper intimate relationships

I think I’ve been gifted (and cursed?) with capacity for the messiness and depth of relationships, even though it may not be apparent for those who are stuck on first impressions. Which is to say, I’m not very good at small talk. So when I read this insightful email from a pastor friend, I had to get permission to share them with you here.

“How do you have intimate relationships?”

Sincere Inquiry was my response!

Not just general inquiries about the person, their background, family and careers.

Sincere inquiries that push the limits and boundaries of acquaintances. Questions that evoke emotions from one another. Questions that release shouts of passion from the deepest parts of one’s soul. Questions that take you to new territories in your relationship preventing you to return to the old worn out fields of superficially.

A sincerity that desires to know the created being in front of you and the purpose the Creator designed them. A sincerity where you lose yourself in them and you decrease with each sentence they share about themselves.

Intimate relationships begin not with available time but intentional sincere questions. We make time as we desire to do nothing more then inquire about the unique created being were engaged with.

My prayer is that you will have deeper intimate relationships this weekend as you spend time with family and friends this Thanksgiving.

Sabastian Huynh
conVerge Family Church
(Garden Grove, CA)

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2 Responses

  1. The Nectar Of A Relationship With You Must Be Sweeter Than The Fragrance Of Its Announcement From You.

    As you present yourself to others in the best possible light, you try to show them that you are a particular kind of individual; the closer they get, the sweeter their experience with you must become.

    The Power of Relational Nurturing:

    All relationships must be nurtured, but this is especially true of new relationships. When you decide that you want to pursue a relationship with a particular person whom you highly respect, you must be ready to invest substantial time, thought, and resources into your pursuit. Anything less than the conspicuous excellence of devoted attention and tireless servanthood, will delegate you to the throngs of other unnoticed people who would love to befriend such a person.

    Greenhouse Principle:

    The way that a new relationship must be nurtured is very similar to the care and attention that a tiny, new plant must receive, in order to survive, and then thrive. It would be ridiculous to plant a fragile seedling out in the inclement weather among other established plants, and expect it to survive. A new seedling must be brought into the greenhouse and protected, until it is firmly rooted, and strong enough to withstand the storms that it will later need to endure.

    Time & Attention:

    New relationships need to be handled with the same devotion and attention. The foundation you build in the earliest stages of an association will establish the very nature and future of that relationship. The care and consideration given to an individual at the inception of the relationship will open the door to a strong, deeply rooted bond that will later be able to survive the assault of the most violent storms.

  2. djchuang says:

    Robb, thanks for your polished comment. Good to see that your coaching venture has thoughtful value and consideration for nurturing relationships and not exclusively on organizational competencies (if I read it right).