why sex is for marriage

Once in a while, I get a question via the contact page, and some of them are worth answering in the open for the benefit of all. Here’s one about why God made sex for marriage.

Question: I need some help. I am doing a talk to teens on sex and abstinence. I saw some stuff on your blog that was helpful. The question I never really see get answered by anyone is this: why is sex part of God’s plan for married people? I see lots of stuff on why we should wait, but not why God made it this way or when it became that way? Obviously Adam and Eve were the first 2 people around and so that was the only option for them, but when did it become only for married couples?

djchuang >> God’s plan for sex in marriage was right there from the beginning, in Genesis 2, i.e. the two shall become one flesh. While it may not have been spelled out as “thou shalt not” in Genesis, the sacredness of sex in marriage is repeatedly mentioned throughout Scriptures, e.g. Thou shalt not commit adultery (Ex 20), Jesus’ teaching on marriage (Mt 19), and Eph. 5‘s teaching on how marriage is the real-life example of how Christ loves the church.

That was my quick summary answer in a minute. What would you add?

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10 Responses

  1. Bryce says:

    The best thing I've seen on this, that really answers the question of WHY sex is for marriage, was a sermon by David Fairchild at Kaleo Church: http://www.kaleochurch.com/sermon/gospel-center

  2. John says:

    …that the reason sex is taken so seriously by God is that it is one of the best, most sacred (metaphorical) reflections of the love within the Trinity, and of the love of the Son toward the church. Ephesians 5 specifically says it's the becoming one flesh thing (not marriage in general) that is a great mystery and that Paul is applying it to Christ and the church.

  3. Drew says:

    I think we have to go beyond just saying it's a special union that pictures Christ. Of course, both of those things are true and good, but if I am a teen who wants to have sex, I'm probably going to say, “I don't care.” You might draw out the “two become one” aspect. To be married and have sex is to become completely naked and vulnerable to your partner. It is to bear your soul and reveal your inmost self, thus should only be done within the relationship of a covenant. (Sex is covenant renewal, after all.)

    Practically, how do we fight the temptation would be another area to explore. Why do we crave it in the first place? Usually intimacy. We, therefore, must know the intimacy of our union with Christ and experience his love.

  4. Drew says:

    I think we have to go beyond just saying it's a special union that pictures Christ. Of course, both of those things are true and good, but if I am a teen who wants to have sex, I'm probably going to say, “I don't care.” You might draw out the “two become one” aspect. To be married and have sex is to become completely naked and vulnerable to your partner. It is to bear your soul and reveal your inmost self, thus should only be done within the relationship of a covenant. (Sex is covenant renewal, after all.)

    Practically, how do we fight the temptation would be another area to explore. Why do we crave it in the first place? Usually intimacy. We, therefore, must know the intimacy of our union with Christ and experience his love.

  5. Cathy H says:

    It occurs to me that sex creates bonds that aren't supposed to be broken.

    Outside of marriage, at some point you break the bond with the person you are sleeping with and that creates pain for the person who didn't choose the break at a heart-level we were never meant to experience.

    It isn't about unplanned pregnancy, diseases, and all of the other things that are thrown at teens. It is about love being forever.

  6. Great post. The only thing I would add is one of the best things I've heard on the subject, and that's the golden rule. Any boyfriend or girlfriend you have is potentially someone else's future spouse. So treat that other person the way you would want to be treated, and don't have sex with their spouse!

  7. djchuang says:

    Bryce, John, Drew, Cathy: thanks for all the comments and quick replies! You're right that it'd be more helpful to know how to deal with temptation in a sex-saturated world, and to introduce how sex creates a very special bond.

  8. Dr. Linda Foltz says:

    God is constantly trying to give us pictures of the way things will be in heaven. In the Temple, the different parts are our mock-up of their correspondent in heaven (for instance, the burning incense represented the prayers of the saints which are sweet-smelling to God).

    The sexual act is reserved for marriage, because marriage is the mock-up on earth of our relationship with Jesus – we ARE the bride of Christ. During sex, the man enters the woman's body – at salvation, the Holy Spirit enters our body. The woman does NOT enter the man's body – we do NOT become God, nor do we enter into God . During intercourse, both people move together as one – we are told that we have the mind of Christ and that His Spirit flows through us.

    Sex outside of marriage takes this sacred example and makes it about satisfying a physical desire – it takes the sacred out of it.

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