Feb 272002

I had been bach’ing for the past week, while the wife and boy were out of town.. but I didn’t use my time particularly productively, thus not any more journal entries made it here. Now that I’m in a small lull, on a wireless network, I thought I’d drop a thought or two here. I recently watched the movie Shawshank Redemption for the first time, and it related to me in that they’d be punished with solitary confinement. It’s that way for me too, that when I’m alone for a period of time, it drives me crazy – it makes me feel bad.

A question was asked of me: how much do I reveal in this journal– is it really my personal journal, or edited for public consumption? I said it was the former– this is indeed my personal journal, as much as it is a diary that some people would keep for themselves. Some diaries have a lock ‘n key on it, for some false sense of security, which only keeps the good people out; other diaries are put aside in a hidden place. My “diary” is put online is all, and if people stop by to read it, it’s not a big deal to me. I’m not paranoid of people knowing my personal thoughts, nor uncomfortable with the fact that people might talk about me. Some people will talk about you anyways, not that big a deal. And if people know some “stuff” about me, they’re not the only ones. Potentially the whole world can know, so it’s not some insidious ugly knowledge that only some people have that might be exploited. And, I’m a bad person anyways, in light of the Gospel, and I’m more than willing to confess my mistakes and make known my struggles. If some people think less of me for being human, then they think less of me for being me (and they’re not honest enough to be human themselves).

So the more recent issues that God seems to be dealing with me are: how to relate with the majority of normal people who don’t think about their lives, the implications of their decisions, and don’t engage in dialogue with other people in a congenial seeking-understanding manner; to grow in my patience for how God might work things in the background, meaning don’t always force the important issue; and keep on being radical with grace and generosity.