for those of you keeping track, i’m here, and hangin’ in there, but have slowed down a lot.. i’ll admit here that it appears to be a relapse to depression, and that i’m learning about this thing that is a part of my life story now, and will share bits and pieces of it here.. many of you reading this may think it funny to joke about being depressed, or to give cliche answers to getting over the blues.. but from the data that I’ve humbled myself now to begin reading and learning, this condition is a real thing for a significant number of people; and tho’ not everyone is willing to be supporting for fear of being drained, it doesn’t have to be that way if you have a heart.. (cf. worst things to say to someone who is depressed)
after several conversations, realizing how strongly me and my feelings and body reacts and even shuts down in a number of situations.. those areas involving tasks, goal setting, and project planning.. it’s a big confession for me here, to say my ignorance has done me wrong, and i was missing this part of life.. with some encouraging words last night, it’s not all that bad, to do these things, but i do need to focus my mind on accomplishings and doings, even while i know there’s a lot of me that resists and reacts..
came back to the DC area Monday morning at 3am, and had to put in a full day at work.. long and hard week, b/c of emotional roller coaster, a revisit of a cast of characters from the first of the year.. but feeling better now, realizing the craziness of life by God’s grace.. many times if not most times, i plain don’t understand the things i do, but God’s doing something still.. how’s that for out of the box, and out of control? talked about church in a recent conversation.. i’m persuaded that it’s not so much about the local church, or a church home, organization, or institution, as much as it is about being connected in vital relationship with other lovers of God, in the Body of Christ.. i’m an advocate of what i’d term “multi-church”, that i have relationships with many people from many churches (caveat: this may not be for everybody, don’t try this at home)
a growing friendship of missional leaders seeking to learn from one another and to generate new creations for the love of God and the good of people
index of rated web sites, billed as “The Busy Person’s Guide to What You Love to Do”
nice collection of news items from pop culture and society, billed as items to talk about at the dinner party (or whatever party)
great collection of news clips about the web (clean design, fresh news)
i’m on vacation this week in Southern California (Orange County, Westminster area to be more exact), and sent an email out to a dozen friends, in hopes of getting together to hang out.. only one person replied back.. tragic- what am i supposed to feel?
was talking with my mother-in-law yesterday, and i was surprised by the transparency of the conversation.. it wasn’t exactly a dialogue where there was interaction both ways, but it was very open sharing.. i don’t know why it is that people feel like they have to hide behind facades, make themselves look like they’re strong and got it all together, when we all go through life with questions, struggles, challenges, joys, and sorrows.. that’s what life is, and we can share it.. i call this my open book philosophy, and i live my life in the open.. people can see what’s going on in my heart and soul.. i think i came to this realization maybe 5 years ago or so.. i’ve got nothing to lose really, by sharing all that i am and all that i have.. if people think less of me for being less than perfect, so be it- what they thought of me without knowing me wasn’t real anyways.. this is so liberating- doesn’t mean i say everything on my mind as a knee-jerk reaction, but it does mean being wide open with as much as i’m aware of.. makes for good poignant conversations, for those who are interested and can reciprocate..
visited 2 churches yesterday: Newsong (in Tustin) and Urban Mosaic (in SoHo), incredible experiences.. but in the back of my mind, I wonder to myself, how do these types of churches _demonstrate_ love to the newcomers and visitors.. i went in observation mode, and felt mostly out of place.. i don’t like that feeling.