my latest self-discovery is the particular mix in me, as I consider what it is that makes me tick and think and do and don’t do.. I’ve found that I have a great _capacity_ to do lots of things, as indicated by an ability to multitask, while on the computer, and in many parts of life, with the assistance of my Palm III, and even as I make this entry, I’m listening to an online sermon, and playing Yahoo! Hearts.. even tho’ I can do a lot, I find that I don’t want to do a lot.. I seem to be low on _motivation_ when it comes to things and tasks; yes, I can do them, and do them well, but I don’t feel like doing so much, be it to achieve a certain career, or position, or title, or degree, or fame, or accomplishment.. and what I do find that I _value_ and am motivated for is authentic genuine relationship, ones where there is dialogue at a heart-to-heart soul-to-soul level.. as a friend calls it, a person’s heart is holy ground, and we shall tred carefully.. how all of this aligns is the latest challenge to my soul..
this entry will probably not make sense to you, b/c it will be written in the highly abstract; but if you can engage with it, more power to you! thinking about a recent conversation that was particularly intruging for me, and wanted to jot my thoughts here for posterity and reference.. the mode (or mood) seemed to be command-driven and action-oriented, with an individualistic approach, so there was a definite positional stand-defining undertone, as an attempt was being made to initiate as well as to mobilize.. catch phrase: “what do you want to do”.. stick with business, set the goals, move ‘em out..my own approach would be to collaborate and to explore options that are available, to consider the possibilities, think creatively, weigh pros/cons, use “what about” language, think strategy, define process, develop operations, build a network.. and thus arrive at the game plan with total involvement.. but that wasn’t much of the conversation here at all..
my brain power is being consumed with usual routines these weeks, no spare cycles to ponder the metaphysical matters of the world.. the past week and this week I’m preaching at my church, and have started a “Sunday School” class on hermeneutics.. these are good times as people seem to be engaging on spiritual truths with great interest.. I’ve been borrowing pre-recorded tapes from our local public library, and learning about the history of Western civilization and thought.. the great minds of the Western world.. it has been a great use of commute time, and in about two weeks of commute time, I can absorb a tape course on whatever topic.. I’ve just finished 3 series on philosophy, all the way from Plato, Socrates, and Aristotle, to Pascal and Leibniz.. Enlightenment is next.