Sep 271999

a short business trip to SFO (San Francisco) to attend a Flash design seminar.. really awesome stuff.. great to see great designers at work.. time pending, you might see some Flash stuff on my home page in the future.. had some interesting food this weekend, perhaps in the Californian fusion cuisine category, I’m not really sure what it’s called.. yesterday, had a turkey avocado sandwich, and today I ventured in having a turkey cranberry sandwich.. both were new “missionary lifestyle” dining experiences, and both turned out to be good, tho’ they wouldn’t be a steady part of my diet, which is more of a roast beef and mayo sorta line.. my laptop is still cripplin’ along.. maybe, just maybe, it will get re-imaged by the end of this week

tense tension

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Sep 221999

I finally found them.. a place that is hospitable and hosts journals, also known as weblogs.. so I’ll move my journals here [that was], and share my life and thoughts as I learn and grow through the process of life.. recently things have been chugging and busy, and I’m not getting the time to enter journal entries, tho’ I still have many personal reflections about life.. recently had a great discussion about the tension between culture and gospel, and tho’ many people take their identity from their heritage or ethnicity, I would say that one can decide how they form their identity based on God the Creator, who has created everyone with the imago deo, and therefore each person has infinite worth because of how much God values them, regardless of their ethnic ancestry or interracial lineages.. i’ll be one of the presenters at a forum (conference) in mid-October, and will make my paper available online for your viewing and review

crashed computer

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Sep 221999

my work laptop crashed hard, it barely gets past the win95 logo, and then bombs out with some vmm32.vxd not found or damaged error, then proceeds to shutdown.. i have access to my files through command mode boot up via DOS, but don’t think this one is recoverable; i’m probably going to take this opportunity to upgrade to win98.. found a new place that has a better process for journaling, apparently there is a whole genre of web sites called weblogs, and they’re neatly archived and timestamped.. see you there.

knee jerk reaction

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Sep 131999

in my life (and actually, in almost everybody’s life) I deal with a diversity of people.. all kinds of people, from different backgrounds and different ethnicities, with different personalities.. each with a story of how they got to be where they are, and how they’re in my life now, even for a moment.. for many people it seems, people are treated as inanimate objects and used to get something done, there really isn’t a desire to get to know people for who they are- that is, they are people.. with feelings and desires, and an innate yearning to connect with others.. I was just thinking, boy, when was the last time I saw a gas station attendant, or a bank teller? I don’t see people at those places any more, with the advent of credit card swipes and ATM machines.. the opportunities to interact with real life human beings.. and when it comes to personal relationships, many people only allow certain types of people to get close to them, whether it’s similar hobbies and interests or similar personalities or similar backgrounds, and they automatically shun those who may look different or think different.. that’s such a travesty, and it’s something I’m guarding myself against, not to have a knee jerk reaction to people who I’m relating with in everyday life.. of course people are different, every single one, with unique stories and unique fingerprints.. if I waited until I met someone that I “click” with to open up, I’d be a very lonely person for a very long time.. instead, I am persuaded that we all have much in common, as we have been created in the image of God, and are part of the one race, the human race.. we all have the innate desire to connect with one another, to belong and to become, and ultimately to connect with our Creator God

late nite banter

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Sep 091999

slept an hour or so, now i’m awake.. figured i need to download some of my thoughts here.. have been doing home improvements on an old house.. found out recently it was built in the ’40s.. it’s a house that i lived in when i was 8 to 10.. that was 25 years ago.. to get the walls perfectly smooth could take a lot of time.. doing some spackling.. doing what i can..

so what’s on my mind? reading about ubiquitous AOL in the new issue of Wired and thinking about my personal insight that I have a regular need to connect with people, most importantly at the heart- to-heart level.. going through the motions of life and work usually leads me to the path of emotional shutdown and demotivation.. if not genuine authentic soulish conversation, i can sometimes settle for a substantive intellectual dialogue :)

sufferin’ succotash

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Sep 011999

[for those of you keeping score at home- I just got an email from #6 reader of this journal]

i feel overwhelmed and surrounded by task-oriented automaton machines of people.. all around me, growing up, and in most of life, the people that i’ve been put in the midst of, are for the most part tasky people.. and my emotive reaction is feeling suffocated.. surrounded.. disconnected.. breath taken out of me.. perhaps i’ve tipped my hand in saying this, but i’m a relational people-oriented person.. a social being that we were created to be.. now at times in my life, i’ve been misunderstood and misreacted as a tasky person (ugh!) when in fact and substance i’m for the people.. have you seen those personality tasks, the one that maps people vs. task? i may be rare in this, but i was square in the middle of that chart- both people and task! so i think for me to feel connected, both elements have got to be there.. and there is a hard place to find.. i’m fighting to resist emotional shutdown that this suffocation tempts me towards.. and recently got language for this phenomena- that in the young adult phase of life, a person wrestles with whether to move towards intimacy or isolation.. and my closing thought winds up here- that all people are inherently social but many choose to express their socialness through tasks

here’s an actual snip from my friend’s email: According to Erik Erickson’s stages of development, the key crisis for people 22-34 is “intimacy vs. isolation.”