live and in person

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Aug 271999

I just met some other journal readers (#3 and #4) over dinner recently [hello there!] and though we didn’t talk about the topics surfaced here, it was nice to hear that these words were not lost in the waste heap of cyberspace.. and then I chatted with reader #5 over IM recently.. I’m not much into the new AIM 3.0 with news ticker and member icons, the little program is getting bigger and bigger with each new release, and turning into a software beast..

my thoughts today stray toward personal rejection and cliqueishness.. it seems to be part of human dynamics [and particularly pronounced among certain Asians] to be cliquey [being closely knit to a few friendships and excluding others] and for those that have their few friends, they don’t seem to care about other people or other relationships, and obliviously ignore other people and even reject them.. the pain of rejection, and the energy involved in building new friendships seem too high a price to be paid, and so people will isolate themselves in their own enclave, live their life their way, rarely venturing outside their comfort zone, resulting in net zero personal growth.. yet i wonder, is this necessarily the human condition given that for most people, their maximum “healthy span of care” is 6 to 8 people? [this concept is that a person can only meaningfully nurture and care for a limited number of people]

Aug 231999

i think the pace i can maintain in visitin’ here is once a week, and perhaps on monday mornings.. as time passes by so quickly, i’m wondering where it is that i am heading, and where it is the world is heading.. i’m clear on my goal, which is Christ-conformity (a.k.a. spiritual formation) but i’m often sober enough to ask myself how am i doing.. i dare not delude myself to say that i am doing okay; recently i started a systematic habit for reading the Bible everyday, on pace to finish it in a year.. it’s the first web page that i visit every day now, and it even has it in audio, with archives in case i miss a day.

so the life i have is a gift of God, and no one but God knows how long that will be.. and with the time I am given, how am I spending it, and what is it that God wants to have accomplished in my lifetime through my lifetime? does it break down into goals and objectives? does it take shape in the form of relationships? does it take the form of how i have been shaped and how well i finish? or, does it etch itself on the life of others and how they are inspired and impacted?

massive spillage

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Aug 181999

driving to work today, didn’t really make sharp turns or nothin’, but upon arrival, i found the yogurt in my lunch box tipped over, and spilled on the floorboard! yuk… i scooped it up with what shape napkins i had..

now that i know i have [at least] 2 people that read this journal.. my thought for the day came as i was driving in, as i think about doing the work of ministry, and how to be part of the process of helping people grow in spiritual maturity.. much of it comes to how badly does someone want to grow [a concession point, as you should know how much i dislike reductionism], and what i call a momentum theory of spirituality.. that a person who may have grown up in a church environment is perpetually babied and taking neglible steps toward spiritual growth and lulled into passivity for his/her spirituality.. while a person who comes from a secular background and is draws in a relationship with Christ, builds much more momentum in spiritual progress, not only to come into relationship with Christ, but to continue growing in that relationship.. and as that happens, the ingredients of using one’s mind, and thinking about the values and priorities of life, and developing intangibles like wisdom, discernment, and emotional & relational maturity, become such commodities.. those in fact are the qualities that form substantive character..

got an email this week from someone who thinks i am ‘happy’ and able to encourage others.. a surprising curveball for many who go on first impression and superficial interactions, for i’m mostly a laidback unhyper type of personality [presentationally speaking]

what’s the big idea?

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Aug 091999

“Ideas are a dangerous thing” as the antagonist Hopper so uttered in that epic movie _A Bug’s Life_, and so it is for the few ideas person that think in the abstract and complexities of what changes the world.. just as one ant could introduce an idea to revitalize the whole ant hill, so it is with one right idea that a person could change the world! in one recent conversation, we were lamenting the fact that most people don’t think about ideas, most people aren’t attracted to ideas.. perhaps there’s some truth to the fact that many people give credence to the idea [there's that word again] that we are mere animals acting upon our instincts.. having come across this theme in the past, an elder statesman referred me to Gorge Orwell’s _Animal Farm_ in which animals were the parable of describing human behavior among the masses.. and in the mass of humanity, we have a big bunch that are swayed by advertising and marketing and a charismatic ‘leader’, a few that are driven pragmatic leaders, and a few that are the bearers of the right ideas.. strive to be the latter.

a new week

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Aug 021999

this weekend I managed to scrape out some time to work on my new pomo personal web page hosted at my church’s web site, although some of that was from awakening at 3am one day, and figuring it’s better to get up than to spend an hour or more trying to fall back to sleep.. has that ever happened to you? my current thinking on that is to go ahead and get up when i wake up middle-o’-the-night, do a little readin’ or surfin’, and when i get tired, go back to bed.. the strategy maximizes my time, in theory, and i still get up about the same time feeling about the same as a full night’s rest. I’m gonna work from home for a bit this morning, and then go in for the commute..